There may be no greater invention in history than the snooze button, and it's surprising that modern science hasn't taken the idea farther. It's a procrastination tool without peer.
Should I die three minutes after the alarm sounds some morning, it shall be in blissful sleep instead of during that awful time of day after first getting up.
Should I die three minutes after the alarm sounds some morning, it shall be in blissful sleep instead of during that awful time of day after first getting up.
Normally, between the third and fourth five-minute snooze, Joyce gets up and starts the coffee. Sometimes it's between the fifth and sixth.
Snoozing rocks.
I'm a firm believer in the value of procrastination for mortals. Since at some point we're going to pass away, it only makes sense to put off as much stuff as you can, counting on the fact that you'll never have to do some of it, maybe most of it.
Anyone who washes a glass or a spoon before they need it really hasn't thought things through, in my opinion.
Why hasn't someone invented a snooze button to delay everything unpleasant? You could carry it around.
Snooze technology has not advanced much in the last couple generations. Makes you wonder if the researchers are procrastinating. Once someone finally does comes up with a portable tachyon based temporal flux initiator, life will be much easier.
Instead of having to answer to your boss again because you're late (probably because of the seductive snooze button on the alarm clock at home), you'll be able to hit snooze.
The boss will go away for five minutes, then come back to holler at you, and you'll hit snooze again. It could go on until quitting time.
Think how much a prisoner facing the electric chair would pay for a working snooze device. Or someone whose dreaded relatives are on their way for a visit.
Kids will be able to delay showing their parents their report cards, and then those parents can hit snooze repeatedly when they trudge in for parent-teacher conferences.
Really, we wouldn't even need a fancy temporal distortion device that stops time if we could just get everyone to respect the snooze.
A small post-it note with a picture of a button on it could become a universal snooze symbol. Tack it on the boss's head; press the button. The boss knows she's now on snooze and goes away for five minutes.
No batteries, tachyons or wormholes needed.
A fifth grader could stick it on the teacher's head and poke it when called on in class. It might make the other kids giggle some, but if the teacher quietly went to sit at his desk for five minutes, it would provide time to look up the answer in the math book or just ask the smart kid.
We'd all have to agree in advance not to get mad about it. Otherwise, when I start talking about baseball and Joyce slaps a sticky paper on my head and pokes it, I'll be a little bit miffed.
Not that it hasn't happened before.
Ken York's column appears in The Daily Record, Lebanon, Mo. It is reprinted here with permission.
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